Men are from Venus; Persian Women are just plain bat shit crazy. Every single last one of them. The crew of Persian guys I grew up with used to always say they are all crazy except four our mothers and sisters. I take it back. They are ALL crazy. Every last one of them. Moms, sisters, aunts, grandmas, wives, girlfriends. I'm not leaving anyone of them out of this Bat Shit category.
My favorite thing about Persian women is they all claim they are different than other persian girls. The only different they are, is different levels of crazy. Needs to be in a mental institute crazy all the way down to the most mild cases which involve constantly yelling, lack of logic, emotional instability and mood swings that would make Charlie Sheen confused. Most fall within the milder level, which is not to say they are not crazy. Trying to talk logic to a Persian Girl reminds me of the time I tried to convince my parents in the 9th grade that it would be a good idea for me to get one of those fake diamond earings on both of my ears. Needless to say Saeed (may he RIP) and Marjaneh were not obliging. Regardless of their by nature crazyness, each one of them is convinced they are the exception to the group. WRONG! I think this comedian is pretty dead on actually
Actually after rewatching this video, I just realized how dead on he really is. I've come to my conclusion over the years with series of events, some I will choose to get into, others I will probably shy away from considering I'm dating a Persian girl as we speak and suppose to have dinner with her tonight and I have a mom and sister that would chop my you know what up and serve it as koobideh and the next mehmouni (gathering) if I cross those lines. (dont for a second think I dont lump you in the crazy group however) Here are a couple of the lessons:
Lesson #1: About a year ago, I introduced an American friend of mine to a Persian Girl that I know in New York. On paper it was a match made in heaven: He had a thing for exotic women and she had a thing for men with exotic cars. A couple of weeks into dating, my buddy calls me up with a status report, telling me how great things are going. She's so laid back. She's so open minded. She doesnt seem like she's very pretentious. How he really liked the direction of things.
A good friend would probably warn that things were about to go downhill. Unfortunately for him, I took a break from good friend duties to watch this girl eat him alive. and so she did. Last month, I was in New York for a bachelor party but made time to catch up with my buddy for a drink. As I waited for him at a bar by sister's apartment (she's crazy too by the way but a mild case of it), my buddy came storming into the bar with the type of agression that would made Andre Johnson envious:
Lesson Learned: No more setting up friends with Persian Girls.
Lesson # 2: I once (maybe even recently :) ) went on a road trip with a Persian friend of mine who is a girl. I had left my camera in her possession awhile back and on my way to pick her up, I called her to kindly remind her, as I had done the night previously to please pack my camera with her belongings. She, both times, acquisced to my request and ackowledged that she would have it along with her possessions. Fast forward to half way through our road trip, I ask to see the camera so that I could delete some old pictures while my other friend is driving. Seems like a pretty routine story. Please entertain me and guess her reponse:
a. Sure let me get it out of my bag
b. Sorry it's in the trunk with my other bag.
c. I forgot it, even though you asked me twice nicely. I appologize Amir Joon.
d. YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT AMIR, IF YOU WANTED YOUR CAMERA YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED AFTER YOU ALREADY CALLED TO REMIND ME TO BRING YOU CAMERA. YOU ARE SO IRRESPONSIBLE AND THEN YOU BLAME ME FOR THINGS.
D. would be the correct answer, written in caps to emphasize both the loudness of hearing a five foot 5 105 pound girl who could yell louder than any professionally trained Viena State Opera singer as well the schock on my face from the delivery of reponse D. Thus, the reason, my ringtone for her is the following song (its in farsi)
Lesson # 3: Hate to do this to a person who is my top 3 favorite people in the world but truth be told craziness does not preclude the amount of love and respect I have for this person so I will move forward. I call my grandmother in Iran about once a week to check in on her, tell her I love her and miss her etc. We are usually on the phone for half an hour and the conversation usually goes like this:
Me: Hi Papar (her name), I miss you so much cant wait to see you (before I can finish my sentence she is off and rambling). "On Monday I had lunch with Ms. Rajansanji and she has gained so much wait because she keeps eating Eclaires from that place on Shiraz street, had tea with the Honorable Dr. Farufi who is now the head of internal medicine and just bought a house in Azad neighboorhood, and then had dinner with Ms Terhani is excited for her daughter Firouzeh's wedding in Dubai." (* I made up these names for purpose of the story so you real gossip followers are out of luck) She will continue to give hour by hour descriptions of who she went and saw and what exactly they did before she ends our conversation with when am I going to get married and get her granchildren. This conversation has several flaws:
1) I left Iran when I was 3 months old so I dont really follow the names of the places she mentions yet she tells them to me like they are my regular hangout spots.
2) I have no clue whatsoever who any of the people she is talking about are. None. yet, I get updates regarding them as if Dr Farufi is my homeboy.
3) She is content with a phone conversation where thirty seconds of I miss you and I love yous are sandwiched by 29 minutes and thirty seconds of the latest and greatest of Tehran gossup.
I've only recently noticed that every Persian girl I am forced to have phone conversations with (hate phone time btw) is starting to exude the same tendencies regardless of age or proximity to me. Even a non-psychologists could determine this phenomenon to be directly attributed to Persian Women cat like me first personalities.
Come to thing about it, Persian Guys must in fact be from Venus. While Persian Women are crazier than Venezuelans, Columbians and Lebanese women (these 3 are next on the crazy scale), they continue to remain attractive dating options. All jokes aside, crazy or not, still the most amazing women I have met are in fact Persian women. Well accomplished, smart, attractive, determined. Still crazy though.
Me and my crazy Persian girlfriend are headed out to New England this weekend (flying to boston catching game 7 of the Bruins series, then headed to the islands. Hope you guys have a rad Memorial Day Weekend.
Peace in the Middle East
p.s. I have one request from you blog readers: Please STOP using the word "Epic". Using (and overusing) the word Epic is no longer in fact epic, it's damn right annoying. (i.e. that movie was epic, the trip was epic, tonight will be epic- I am getting pissed off just writing out these examples)
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Happy Mexican Independence Day!
A couple of housekeeping items before I move on to the second blog entry:
1. I refuse to spend more than 20-30 minutes writing out these blog entries because a) I dont have the time b) I dont take blogging serious enough or anything I have to say on these blogs serious enough and neither should anyone in the amateur blog world. So please bear with any spelling mistakes etc I make due to time constraints/laziness in double checking.
2. Almost in the words of a famous hip hop song, "I'm not a blogger, I just tweet alot" (im not a player i just crush alot- RIP Big Pun) so also please make due to with any other shortcomings I have as a novice blogger. Now onto blog #2:
Happy 5 de Mayo! 5 de Mayo as you may/may not know is NOT Mexican Independence Day as many people think and to be frank I'm not here to give a history lesson so if you're not in the loop, lets just continue along and enjoy the blog. Truth be told, most of you could care less what 5 de Mayo is celebrated for (since when do Texans celebrate any independence day other than our own) and to be honest I could care less that you could care less as long as it gives you an excuse to be out supporting your local economy at your favorite drink establishment or tex-mex restaurant. My personal suggestions for Houstonians (Ocean's, Antique Bar or Vintage).
Anyway, I would like to use this blog entry to address a couple of major/minor concerns I have encountered involving Mexico/Mexicans:
Concern #1: Texting faux pas- a personal pet peeve. When texting/emailing me, do not type "JAJAJAJAJA" with a "J" rather than an "H" as its read phonetically in the English language. I have outlined the following 3 reasons for this being a big no-no:
- 1) I am not latino so JAJAJA is read with a "J" sound as in the words "Just" as in just spell the name according to how you learned spelling it in whatever small farm town you received your elementary school education in (I would be equally if not more disturbed if you spelled out HAHA in Arabic/Farsi so please for the love of whatever God you believe in dont try that angle)
- 2) You are not a native spanish speaker so I'm not following why you would spell it any different. I'm sure you had a Rico Suave Latino/Latina lover (like this stud):
in your past that might have had appreciation for your JAJA's but unfortunately that no longer applies when texting or writing a Persian American. Gracias mi amor.
- 3) Latinos dont think you are any less of Gringo just because you are spelling hahaha with a "J". In fact you are probably accumulating more gringo points by spelling it with a J. In the words of Lil Wayne from his single "I'm single" - " I HATE-IT WHEN SHE DO DAT SHIIT"
Concern #2: I had a long conversation with a Mexican friend of mine last week in which all he talked about was "how great Mexico is, how miserable it is living in the United States after having grown up in Mexico, Americans are ignorant, Mexico and its beauty cannot be compared to the U.S. blah blah blah"...Now, I know many of you can relate this to people in your lives so this concern does not partake exclusively to Mexicans. I have Greek friends who talk about Greece like it's Heaven on Earth. Lebanese Friends who talk about Beirut like it's God's gift to the Human Race. My message: GO BACK! THE DOOR IS WIDE OPEN! If you are going to live in the United States, embrace it! We are, in my opinion, the most blessed people on Earth to be able to live in such an amazing country. As the blog's name indicates "The Grass is always Green" and not greener on the other side. I, as much as anyone I know, love to travel to the most obscure of places. The common theme as I return from all these places, "IT'S GOOD TO BE HOME!"This is not to be confused with being proud of your culture and background. Don't get me wrong, if I wasnt so scared of needles, I would have had the old Iranian Flag tatooed on my ass by now. However, at the end of the day, I am damn proud to be an American.
Concern # 3: Americans who think travelling to Mexico is akin to running through North Korea with one of these T Shirts on:
WRONG! Mexico, despite my last concern, is an amazing country to visit. From the beaches, to the mainlands, an amazing country is within a 2 hour flight from Houstonians and is an standout weekend getaway for those looking for a change. Trips to Guadalajara, Mexico City, Playa Del Carmen, Acapulco (to name a few of the places I've been) are perfectly safe alternatives to your regular getaways as long as you are not running around town acting like Nacho Libre. note: if you take my advice and something does happen, have your descendants contact me and I will setup a free intro estate tax consultation meeting with me free of charge for the troubles I have caused.
Hope everyone has a splendid 5 de Mayo. For you margarita and Mexican beer drinkers, I would like to share with you one article by GQ for cheaper, and some of these better alternatives, to the Patron that you all love as well as my favorite Mexican Beer which I recommend you all try.
The Beer:
the article: http://www.gq.com/food-travel/wine-and-cocktails/201105/cheap-tequilas-best-under-25#slide=1
To all the mothers :Happy Mother's Day. Here is one of my favorite quotes I'd like to share:
1. I refuse to spend more than 20-30 minutes writing out these blog entries because a) I dont have the time b) I dont take blogging serious enough or anything I have to say on these blogs serious enough and neither should anyone in the amateur blog world. So please bear with any spelling mistakes etc I make due to time constraints/laziness in double checking.
2. Almost in the words of a famous hip hop song, "I'm not a blogger, I just tweet alot" (im not a player i just crush alot- RIP Big Pun) so also please make due to with any other shortcomings I have as a novice blogger. Now onto blog #2:
Happy 5 de Mayo! 5 de Mayo as you may/may not know is NOT Mexican Independence Day as many people think and to be frank I'm not here to give a history lesson so if you're not in the loop, lets just continue along and enjoy the blog. Truth be told, most of you could care less what 5 de Mayo is celebrated for (since when do Texans celebrate any independence day other than our own) and to be honest I could care less that you could care less as long as it gives you an excuse to be out supporting your local economy at your favorite drink establishment or tex-mex restaurant. My personal suggestions for Houstonians (Ocean's, Antique Bar or Vintage).
Anyway, I would like to use this blog entry to address a couple of major/minor concerns I have encountered involving Mexico/Mexicans:
Concern #1: Texting faux pas- a personal pet peeve. When texting/emailing me, do not type "JAJAJAJAJA" with a "J" rather than an "H" as its read phonetically in the English language. I have outlined the following 3 reasons for this being a big no-no:
- 1) I am not latino so JAJAJA is read with a "J" sound as in the words "Just" as in just spell the name according to how you learned spelling it in whatever small farm town you received your elementary school education in (I would be equally if not more disturbed if you spelled out HAHA in Arabic/Farsi so please for the love of whatever God you believe in dont try that angle)
- 2) You are not a native spanish speaker so I'm not following why you would spell it any different. I'm sure you had a Rico Suave Latino/Latina lover (like this stud):
in your past that might have had appreciation for your JAJA's but unfortunately that no longer applies when texting or writing a Persian American. Gracias mi amor.
- 3) Latinos dont think you are any less of Gringo just because you are spelling hahaha with a "J". In fact you are probably accumulating more gringo points by spelling it with a J. In the words of Lil Wayne from his single "I'm single" - " I HATE-IT WHEN SHE DO DAT SHIIT"
Concern #2: I had a long conversation with a Mexican friend of mine last week in which all he talked about was "how great Mexico is, how miserable it is living in the United States after having grown up in Mexico, Americans are ignorant, Mexico and its beauty cannot be compared to the U.S. blah blah blah"...Now, I know many of you can relate this to people in your lives so this concern does not partake exclusively to Mexicans. I have Greek friends who talk about Greece like it's Heaven on Earth. Lebanese Friends who talk about Beirut like it's God's gift to the Human Race. My message: GO BACK! THE DOOR IS WIDE OPEN! If you are going to live in the United States, embrace it! We are, in my opinion, the most blessed people on Earth to be able to live in such an amazing country. As the blog's name indicates "The Grass is always Green" and not greener on the other side. I, as much as anyone I know, love to travel to the most obscure of places. The common theme as I return from all these places, "IT'S GOOD TO BE HOME!"This is not to be confused with being proud of your culture and background. Don't get me wrong, if I wasnt so scared of needles, I would have had the old Iranian Flag tatooed on my ass by now. However, at the end of the day, I am damn proud to be an American.
Concern # 3: Americans who think travelling to Mexico is akin to running through North Korea with one of these T Shirts on:
WRONG! Mexico, despite my last concern, is an amazing country to visit. From the beaches, to the mainlands, an amazing country is within a 2 hour flight from Houstonians and is an standout weekend getaway for those looking for a change. Trips to Guadalajara, Mexico City, Playa Del Carmen, Acapulco (to name a few of the places I've been) are perfectly safe alternatives to your regular getaways as long as you are not running around town acting like Nacho Libre. note: if you take my advice and something does happen, have your descendants contact me and I will setup a free intro estate tax consultation meeting with me free of charge for the troubles I have caused.
Hope everyone has a splendid 5 de Mayo. For you margarita and Mexican beer drinkers, I would like to share with you one article by GQ for cheaper, and some of these better alternatives, to the Patron that you all love as well as my favorite Mexican Beer which I recommend you all try.
The Beer:
To all the mothers :Happy Mother's Day. Here is one of my favorite quotes I'd like to share:
"When I am with you, we stay up all night.
When you're not here, I can't go to sleep.
Praise God for those two insomnias!
And the difference between them."
- Rumi
One love!
When you're not here, I can't go to sleep.
Praise God for those two insomnias!
And the difference between them."
- Rumi
One love!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Welcome
Welcome to my first Blog entry. Subject matter will vary from Travel, Politics, Sports, Music, Wine, Beer, Food and pretty much anything I want to talk about since this is my damn blog. On to my first post:
This past weekend, I had the distinct pleasure of experiencing my first New Orleans Jazz Festival. Besides the amazing food experience I partook in including remoulades, bread puddings, cachon au lait, beignets, cracklins and crawfish and anything friend that could ever potentially be fried, the music scene I encountered was one that gave me a new appreciation of Louisiana Culture.
As Soon as I booked my Jazz Fest plane ticket, I went through the music lineup to get a broad understanding of the artists that would be performing the weekend I would be at the fair grounds. The Saturday lineup included big name perfomers such as Bon Jovi, Jason Mraz yet the performers whose youtube videos sparked the biggest interest to me was a local artist named Big Freeda. Here is the song that got me on the bandawgon:
So Saturday morning, after a rough night out celebrating my buddy Scott's birthday at Emeril's restaurant followed by some drinking and dancing at the Frenchman, I dragged my girlfriend and college friends over to see Big Freedia, the New Orleans transvestite responsible for the popularity of New Orleans booty bounce, a distinctly New Orleans creation that is a style of hip-hop characterized by heavy bass, call-and-response vocals, hyper-sexualized lyrics, a reliance on repetition, and a handful of specific beats. The music is unique to New Orleans—and practically unheard of everywhere else until performers like Big Freedia have started bringing it to the mainstream. I didnt let the negative comments from friends who had blasted the video when I posted it on my facebook page deter me from checking the Tranny out for myself.
So here we were, hungover, underslept group of preppy Georgetown white boys (or yellow in my case) pushing through the crowd trying to get a good view of the stage. As I Persian Maneuvered my way through the crowd, I noticed church groups, familes with their kids little kids, moms, dads, grandparents all getting down to the Big Freedia's catchy tunes. I began to appreciate the genre of mysic as ubiqitous to New Orleans culture despite the fact that people outside the culture identified the words and dancing styles as vulgar. Much to my joy, even the friends that I dragged to the Congo Stage, couldnt help but to start dancing and feeding off the energy created by the beats and the amazing joie de vivre displayed by the New Orleans partisan crowd. Despite my lack of a booty and moreso average at best booty shaking skills, I got into the flow and was a hit:
The lesson learned from attending a show like this is to appreciate all genres of music regardless of your individual tastes and background. I have a sick addiction to always trying to understand and appreciate the background and cultures of the people of the world around me and this weekend was one I experience that I trully took to heart.
I'm off to Boston this week and through the weekend. I'm having a Boston sports fans fantasy on Saturday by having lunch at Fenway Park and dinner at the Celtic's game. Hope everyone enjoys the blog. AZZ EVERYWHERE AZZ EVERYWHERE!
This past weekend, I had the distinct pleasure of experiencing my first New Orleans Jazz Festival. Besides the amazing food experience I partook in including remoulades, bread puddings, cachon au lait, beignets, cracklins and crawfish and anything friend that could ever potentially be fried, the music scene I encountered was one that gave me a new appreciation of Louisiana Culture.
As Soon as I booked my Jazz Fest plane ticket, I went through the music lineup to get a broad understanding of the artists that would be performing the weekend I would be at the fair grounds. The Saturday lineup included big name perfomers such as Bon Jovi, Jason Mraz yet the performers whose youtube videos sparked the biggest interest to me was a local artist named Big Freeda. Here is the song that got me on the bandawgon:
So Saturday morning, after a rough night out celebrating my buddy Scott's birthday at Emeril's restaurant followed by some drinking and dancing at the Frenchman, I dragged my girlfriend and college friends over to see Big Freedia, the New Orleans transvestite responsible for the popularity of New Orleans booty bounce, a distinctly New Orleans creation that is a style of hip-hop characterized by heavy bass, call-and-response vocals, hyper-sexualized lyrics, a reliance on repetition, and a handful of specific beats. The music is unique to New Orleans—and practically unheard of everywhere else until performers like Big Freedia have started bringing it to the mainstream. I didnt let the negative comments from friends who had blasted the video when I posted it on my facebook page deter me from checking the Tranny out for myself.
So here we were, hungover, underslept group of preppy Georgetown white boys (or yellow in my case) pushing through the crowd trying to get a good view of the stage. As I Persian Maneuvered my way through the crowd, I noticed church groups, familes with their kids little kids, moms, dads, grandparents all getting down to the Big Freedia's catchy tunes. I began to appreciate the genre of mysic as ubiqitous to New Orleans culture despite the fact that people outside the culture identified the words and dancing styles as vulgar. Much to my joy, even the friends that I dragged to the Congo Stage, couldnt help but to start dancing and feeding off the energy created by the beats and the amazing joie de vivre displayed by the New Orleans partisan crowd. Despite my lack of a booty and moreso average at best booty shaking skills, I got into the flow and was a hit:
The lesson learned from attending a show like this is to appreciate all genres of music regardless of your individual tastes and background. I have a sick addiction to always trying to understand and appreciate the background and cultures of the people of the world around me and this weekend was one I experience that I trully took to heart.
I'm off to Boston this week and through the weekend. I'm having a Boston sports fans fantasy on Saturday by having lunch at Fenway Park and dinner at the Celtic's game. Hope everyone enjoys the blog. AZZ EVERYWHERE AZZ EVERYWHERE!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)